Joseph Lucas – “The Prince of Darkness”

• Lucas – Inventor of the intermittent wiper.

• Lucas – Inventor of the self-dimming headlamp.

• The three position Lucas switch – Dim, Flicker and Off.

• The original anti-theft device – Lucas Electrics.

• Lucas is an acronym for Loose Unsoldered Connections and Splices

• The Lucas motto: “Get home before dark.”

• Lucas systems actually uses AC current; it just has a random frequency.

• “I’ve had a Lucas pacemaker for years and have never had any trou…”

• If Lucas made guns, wars would not start.

• A friend of mine told everybody he never had any electrical problems with his Lucas equipment. Today he lives in the countryside, in a large manor with lots of friendly servants around him and an occasional ice cold shower.

• Back in the 70’s, Lucas decided to diversify its product line and began manufacturing vacuum cleaners. It was the only product they offered which did not suck.

• Q: Why do the British drink warm beer? A: Because Lucas makes their refrigerators.

• Alexander Graham Bell invented the Telephone. Thomas Edison invented the Light Bulb. Joseph Lucas invented the Short Circuit.

• Recommended procedure before taking on a repair of Lucas equipment: Check the position of the stars, kill a chicken and walk three times clockwise around your car chanting: “Oh mighty Prince of Darkness protect your unworthy servant”.

• Not many people know that Lucas attempted to market a computer. Why did they stop? They couldn’t find a way to get it to leak oil !

• Did you hear the one about the guy that peeked into a British car and asked the owner “How can you tell one switch from another at night? They all look the same.“ The owner replied, “It doesn’t matter which one you use, nothing happens!”

• Lucas Quality Assurance advised Engineering they had trouble with their design shorting out. Engineering made the wires longer.